How I Was Drowning In Debt Trying to “Do It All” (And Why I’m Saying No This Holiday Season)

Hey friend! It’s been a minute. Life life’d, and I stepped away from the blog longer than I meant to. But if I’m going to sit back down at this table as your millenial big sis, I have to start with the truth. The messy, uncomfortable, “whew, I hope y’all don’t judge me too hard” truth.

So here it is.
I’m in debt. More than I’m proud of. More than I ever imagined I’d have. And if I’m being completely honest? It didn’t hit me all at once. It was a slow slide… the kind where you look up and think, “How did we get here?”

How I Slipped Into Debt (aka Trying to Do It All + Look Like I’m Doing Even More)

I grew up believing I had to handle everything myself. No help. No leaning. No admitting I couldn’t afford something. Just work harder, stretch thinner, keep smiling, keep up appearances. And when you grow up like that, adulthood becomes one long performance.

I tried to keep a home that looked like the Pinterest girlies.
I tried to keep my kids in the activities, clothes, and gadgets I never had.
I tried to show up at work like everything was fine.
I tried to “treat myself” because burnout was eating me alive.
I tried to keep up with the Joneses… not realizing the Joneses were probably in debt too.

Then there were the holidays. Oh, the holidays.
Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Target runs late at night. The pressure to create magic for your family even when your bank account is crying for help. Every sale feels like a dare: “If you don’t buy it now, you’ll miss out.”

Spoiler: that’s a lie.
A sale is still a bill. And debt doesn’t disappear just because the price tag has a little red line through it.

The Emotional Weight of Debt

Debt isn’t just numbers. It’s heavy. It sits in your chest. It whispers when you’re trying to sleep. It steals your joy because every time something good happens, that little voice reminds you of what you owe.

There were days I felt like I was drowning.
There were days I felt like a failure.
There were days I asked myself, “Why couldn’t I just make better decisions?”
And underneath all of it was shame. The kind that keeps you silent. The kind that makes you pretend everything is fine so nobody knows you’re struggling.

But here’s what I’ve learned: shame thrives in secrecy. The minute you say, “I’m not okay,” the minute you admit, “I need help,” you take your power back.

And asking for help?
Sis… it’s not weakness. It’s true strength.

How I’m Climbing Out

I’m not out of the woods yet. But I’m doing the work.

• I’m being honest about our numbers.
• I’m setting boundaries that protect my sanity and my bank account.
• I’m saying no… even when my guilt tries to say yes.
• I’m choosing peace over pressure.
• I’m letting go of the idea that my worth is tied to providing and having stuff.

And here’s the big one:
I enrolled in a debt relief program after having an honest, emotional, ugly-cry conversation with my husband. That moment wrecked me in a way I didn’t expect. I felt like a failure. I thought he thought I was a failure. Like I had broken something I wasn’t allowed to admit was broken. But saying it out loud — asking for help, letting go of control — was the first real breath I had taken in a long time.

And you know what? frEvery “no” I say now is a massive “yes” to our future. A yes to stability. A yes to breathing room. A yes to a version of me that doesn’t live under constant financial panic.

A Holiday Reminder for You (and me)

This season comes with twinkle lights, matching PJs, and all the Instagram-ready magic. But behind the scenes? A lot of folks are stressed. A lot of folks are overspending. A lot of folks are silently breaking under the pressure.

So let me say this gently and with love:

You don’t have to go broke to create joy.
Your worth is not tied to what’s under the tree.
Your kids need presences more than presents.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to scale back.
You are allowed to protect yourself from the aftermath of January.
People don’t have to like your decisions—but they do have to respect them.

If the holidays leave you stretched thin, tapped out, or overwhelmed, I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m right here with you, choosing something different this year. Choosing honesty. Choosing boundaries. Choosing freedom.

And if you’re on your own journey out of debt, I hope this post feels like a hand reaching back, grabbing yours, and saying, “Come on sis, we’re getting out of this.”

Here’s to a softer, saner holiday season. One that honors our peace, our pockets, and our future.

Until next time,

XO, Siara