Hi there!!
I know it’s been waaaay too long since I’ve written to you but it is New Year’s Eve and like most, I am reflecting on 2018 and I wanted to quickly share some lessons learned and what I am looking forward to in the next year! Let’s get into it:
EMOTIONS ARE MEANT TO BE FELT – This year I lost a baby, my grandmother, and a job. In all of that, I managed to push any and all my emotions down into the depths of my soul and ‘rise above’. I did not share my disappointment, sadness, loneliness, and even relief in losing these three things. All I could think is, “You don’t have time to feel ____.” Life goes on and you can quietly reflect, but other people are going through things too. No one wants to hear you pity party.
Girl, feel the feelings. They are attached to your memories. I don’t want to forget how my heart dropped listening to Dr. Lombard tell me that I wouldn’t have a successful pregnancy although my first one was perfect or the reality of the devastation I felt when I looked into his eyes after he administered medication for me to pass the failed embryo that I was carrying. I also don’t want to forget the phone call I knew was to tell me that my last living grandparent had gone home to glory. I went immediately into super woman mode and mourn the woman who raised me and likely made me into the iron woman I am today. Lastly, having a meeting with my boss with us both nearly in tears agreeing that my journey had ended on the team and I was being let go. The shame, disappointment, anger at myself and projected incorrectly at others. I also don’t want to forget how the conversation I had 3 days before my exit changed the trajectory of my career when I was offered an opportunity on another team doing something completely foreign and I took a leap of faith and said yes, I’ll do it!
It’s also important to not overlook the wins whether they are big or small. Take a little time to celebrate and soak up any and all accomplishments. It may not be the end goal, but you are getting closer. Those small wins are what propel us forward!
LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF– I have a habit, like most women, to care greatly for the people we love and -even those that we don’t- in order to keep up the façade of who we want people to think we are. I lost myself in caring for other people – my husband, my son, my job, my church, family and friends. Doing things I didn’t want to do because it was easier than disappointing them or explaining why. No more. I get to decide what I allow in my life and be confident that the choices I made are my own and at the end of the day, I am happy. This does not mean that I won’t make sacrifices for the people I love, but I have make sure I am taking care of myself before giving myself away to others.
JUST DO IT! – Boy, this year I have been pushed outside my comfort zone and guess what, I am still here to write this blog post! Did you hear me? I didn’t die! I survived each thing I thought would for sure end me. Everything that I was afraid I not only did it, I did a damn good job and received positive feedback all around. This has wholeheartedly helped me realize that fear is only a state of mind. My forever First Lady Michelle Obama phrased it so well in her memoir Becoming, “Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result.” I would go into a state of paralysis when I was faced with anything that would potentially make me vulnerable to people’s criticism. On the other side of that fear is nirvana! It’s looking back and realizing that you are smart enough, strong enough to make that mountain come crumbling down. You got this girl!!
FIND YOUR TRIBE – I have always been a loner. I’m an only child and I have never had very many friends because I like to keep my life drama free and for the most part, I am just not interested in carrying the weight of other people’s stuff. While this space is cozy and comfy, it didn’t lend me many opportunities to see different perspectives, be challenged or be cheered on. Finding my tribe this year meant spending a lot of time in devotion to God, making friends that gave me feedback on the good, bad, and ugly, accepting new people in my life that were going to celebrate with me, see through my BS and call me out on it, and even adding a couple of self-help books to my library. No one can do life alone. There is not one successful person that has done it on their own and if they tell you they did, they are a goddamn liar. You can tell them I said so! I now have people to share my passions with and people that hold me accountable to those things I have shared with them. They check in on their self proclaimed strong friend to make sure I haven’t lost my shit.
My prayer is that that my tribe grows and that someone would count me as a part of theirs. Acts 20:35 says, “it is more blessed to give than to receive”. I am all for that in this new year! I will always feel like I am just getting started, but I plan to make it a habit of giving what I have to those who are willing to receive it.
Happy New Year to you and let’s kick 2019’s ass!!
XO, Siara
